White Dress
It’s funny how events in time can be
short yet feel like they pass slowly.
Such as when you feel as though you’ve known a friend forever, but have
only just met them. The time I spent
with my best friend when I was younger felt like that. The days we spent playing in fields or talking
until the sun rose lasted for what seemed like years. I missed that, not having a care in the
world.
I haven’t
seen my best friend in years. After I graduated
high school I became too busy to socialize, even with my family. I had never regretted being busy though
because I felt happiest when I was surrounding myself with work. The time I had spent home this week for
Christmas was the first break from school and work I had in a long time. At the end of the week I was sorry for the
secluded way I had been living my life for the past two years.
After my
break as I was driving back to school I was hit by a pickup truck. The force although powerful, was not enough
to instantly knock me unconscious. I
would be lying if I said I hardly noticed what was going on around me. Although my eyes refused to open, I could see
light changes as vehicles passed by. I
heard people talking rapidly outside my window and shouts that were a little
farther away. I felt pain throughout my
body and smelled blood. Someone tapped
on my window and was yelling at me, but my body refused to respond. I felt my mind slipping but I forced my eyes
open. For a moment I saw Sarah, my best
friend, in a stained white dress standing in front of my car. She smiled at me and looked away just as my
mind faded.
The ride to
the hospital was probably one of the worst experiences in my life. I regained consciousness as the paramedics
were loading my stretcher into the ambulance.
The flashing lights caused me to feel disoriented and extremely nauseous. The jostling of the stretcher sent pain
throughout my body and the enclosed space made me panic. The paramedics slipped a mask over my face
and stuck needles into my arm. All the
activity was making me extremely anxious and it kept getting worse until I saw
Sarah. She stood at the foot of my
stretcher and rested her hand on my foot.
“I’m sorry,” She said, “You’ll feel
better soon.” I felt calmness overtake
my anxiety and closed my eyes. I wondered
why we had stopped talking. We had been
such good friends
Hospitals
have never been a place I enjoyed visiting, and being a patient there, although
only temporary, made me feel worse. People
visited me today, although I’m not sure who.
I tried to imagine who would visit me. I couldn’t think of anyone besides my family,
I hadn’t made too many friends in college.
I tried to focus on voices but in my drugged state they seemed far away. I became a little more aware of my
surroundings, and although I couldn’t feel pain, I felt an uncomfortable warmth
where needles entered my skin. I
recognized my mom’s voice and I wanted to see her so I fought to open my eyes. I couldn’t force them to open so I gave up and
went back to sleep.
I awoke
briefly to see my father sleeping in a chair and hear a nurse at my bedside
working by my head. When she saw my eyes
open she smiled at me but then her eyes widened. She pushed a button and began to frantically
work on something. My vision began to
fade and I knew I was going to lose consciousness again so I looked back toward
my dad. As I looked at him I was
surprised to see Sarah standing there. I
figured she hadn’t left me yet because she was wearing the same dress. I wanted to talk to her but she was watching the
nurse beside me and the others that had joined her. They worked with urgency. Just as I felt a sharp jolt reverberate
throughout my chest, Sarah disappeared.
Lying in the hospital bed I felt as
though I was on the verge of death.
After the moment when the nurse freaked out over something things have
gone downhill. In addition to needles
sticking into my body I have tubes in my nose.
Although I don’t hurt, thanks to the painkillers, I still feel
uncomfortable. It is difficult to breath
and my throat feels raw. I can feel a
pulse in my head and opening my eyes causes me to feel dizzy and queasy. It is difficult to think of anything beside
the time which seems to be dragging on.
I don’t hear voices in my room anymore and I don’t blame people for not
visiting. I haven’t seen Sarah since the
scare and the only people I have seen recently are my parents. Even my siblings stopped visiting.
~~~
Sarah had
always been strong and independent, the total opposite of me. I was the quiet
kid that never met anyone new unless they tried to talk to me first. I’m sure my shyness came off as rude and some
of the people who tried talking to me were put off by it. I first met Sarah when I was nine, she was a
year older than me but we were in the same Sunday school class at her
church. She had been going to that
church her whole life.
“I’m Sarah.” Was all she stated as
she took her seat next to me, I replied with my name. It was all we said to each other for a few
weeks but I could tell she always seemed to be thinking, or planning
something. She was always inside her
head and I rarely knew what she was thinking about.
“Do you want
to come over today?” It was the longest sentence Sarah had said to me in a
month but she seemed so friendly I accepted.
Since my mother and Sarah’s mom knew each other I was able to go. After then we began hanging out every Sunday
and some weeks on Fridays and Saturdays.
“Let’s play truth or dare!” It was
always Sarah’s attempt at making me less shy.
“This game always turns out to be you
sending me up to some stranger and singing or some other humiliating thing
while you get stuck with some stupid question like what do you want to be when
you grow up.”
“If you weren’t so worried about me
getting embarrassed then you would love this game.”
“I will never love this game.” I
would always tell her, but I would always play.
We were inseparable and for a few years we were young and innocent.
When I was
sixteen I got a job working at an ice cream shop. I ended up quitting the job after one
summer. It was a good job, just not the
type for me. I hated the interaction I
had with our customers and I was sure a few of my coworkers didn’t like
me. Sarah had gotten a job at a hardware
store and frequently stopped by when she had a lunch break. We would both get in trouble, me for talking
to her too long and her for staying on break too long. We didn’t care. That summer she had gotten a boyfriend and
was constantly bringing boys she knew to my work for me to meet. She kept telling me she just wanted to double
date but I knew she felt bad for me.
That summer
was also the summer Sarah had helped save me.
Although she had helped with my shyness a bit it still was a
problem. I like my job because it kept
me busy and kept me from noticing my lack of friends. Sarah realized this but never pointed it out.
“Hey do you
have an outfit to wear for when we go bowling this weekend” This girl wouldn’t
take no for an answer.
“I told you
I’m not going, besides the girls you’re going with don’t know me. It would just be awkward.” I didn’t look her
in the eyes hoping she couldn’t tell how nervous I was.
“Too bad, I
already told them you were going, and they are super excited to meet you. I will pick you up Saturday at four and if
you need to go shopping before then call me.”
She walked away before I could protest, and before she could see the
huge grin that was plastered on my face the rest of the day. The rest of the year I became friends with
the girls I went bowling with and Sarah invited me whenever they went out.
~~~
I was able
to see my mom today. She was standing
over me with tears in her eyes. I wanted
to speak with her but I was too weak. I
could only manage a small smile as she squeezed my hand. I noticed my whole family around me, all wore
a look of sadness. I was glad they all
visited me but they all had tears in their eyes and I couldn’t figure out why. All of a sudden my mom broke down and my
sister let out a cry. My father looked
away and his expression was heartbreaking.
Afraid, I looked around once again and saw Sarah standing in the same
stained dress. She looked at me sadly
and held out her hand. To my surprise, I
had enough strength to grab it and I sat up.
“Hey, are
you coming shopping with us tomorrow?” I had been hunting down Sarah all day at
school.
“No.” She
spoke without emotion and gave no explanation why she couldn’t come. She began walking away and I followed.
“There is a
group of us going to see a movie Friday did you want to come then?” I tried
once more.
“Are we
still getting together next Saturday to get ready for graduation?” She didn’t look at me as she ducked into her
class. Later that day I confirmed the
time we were going to get together to prepare for our graduation ceremony. I was excited for my future and she seemed
indifferent.
When I
arrived at Sarah’s the next Saturday no one answered my knock so I let myself
in. I took myself to the bathroom and
turned on some music knowing that the house was empty besides Sarah and me.
“I decided
not to go to the movie last week.” I
shouted through the house thinking Sarah could hear me. “The whole time during the shopping trip I
felt like an outsider. The girls and I
have been growing apart since you stopped hanging out with us so I knew it
would happen.” The whole time Sarah had
not replied and I got a little worried.
I went upstairs to her room to find the door to her balcony open. I walked onto it and when I saw a broken rail
I cautiously crept to the edge. Lying
crumpled on the ground I saw Sarah.
“911 what’s
your emergency?”
“Yes,
hello,” Breathed frantically as I flew down the stairs and out to the backyard.
“My friend fell from a two story balcony.”
“Is she
conscious?”
“No, No.
There is a lot of blood; dear God please let her be alive.”
“Ma’am, I
have sent help I need you to remain calm.”
“I don’t
know what to do,” at this point I was sobbing and afraid to kneel next to
Sarah’s body.
“Stay
calm. Can you check to see if she is
breathing?” I shook my head sobbing I realized that the lady on the phone
couldn’t see me but I was unable to speak.
“Miss, are you still there?” I let
out a loud sob in reply. I heard sirens
coming closer and stop at the house.
“They're here.” I was barely able to
choke out the words.
“I have to go now then Miss.” And the line went dead.
“I have to go now then Miss.” And the line went dead.
I stayed crouched on the ground
crying as the paramedics rushed to help Sarah.
It wasn’t long before one came to me and began asking me questions. I could hardly focus on him though because I
was listening to the conversation in the background.
“She’s so
weak it could have killed her instantly.”
“Yes, she’s
so skinny and frail. It’s possible she
fainted and broke the railing.”
“Were you
able to contact her parents?”
“Yes, they
were getting ready for her high school graduation later today.” I tuned out the conversation and looked back
to the body on the ground. She was
wearing a white dress to go under her graduation gown, but it was stained with
blood.
I was unable
to help my best friend like she helped me.
I remembered why I had kept from coming home and why I had become so
focused on my work. And I remembered my
best friend and why I hadn’t talked with her since graduation.
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